It is really painful and stressful and like there is no way to escape.
Aku orang bisnes, bisnes ni 9 per 10 punca rezeki dalam dunia. Tapi tahu aje lah, dia punya susah, dia punya sakit, dia punya penat, dia punya usaha, semua tu pun 9 per 10. Jatuh aku orang tak nampak. Tingginya aku disanjung.
Aku tak nak.
Bisnes tengah down, motor aku rosak lagi sebab accident hari tu. Tak di repair lagi. Duit makan nak kena ada, duit motor aku tak bayar lagi nak masuk 3 bulan.
Memang, memang selalu ada rezeki datang bila time hujung-hujung tanduk. Tapi takkan la aku nak sit back and relax and hoping for miracle kan? Dalam kepala aku terlalu banyak 'what if' sekarang ni. What if this what if that what if shit happen.
I dont know. I dont have any idea. I dont even have a back up plan. I dont know what to do. I normally know, at least something. But...not this time.
You know what the dear diary?
I am weak, without my girl.
I know I had exactly the same experience where aku ditinggalkan, for a few times. But...I cant bear the very same feelings...
The key macam mana aku boleh survive in business or any other things I am doing is, my girl. Doesnt matter kalau aku ditinggalkan beberapa hari as long as not forever, because I know she will stay. I work hard to get things come true, man.
Get what I mean?
When i am thinking of the girl I am getting married, cukuplah bagi aku kuat. Walaupun susahnya aku tak dikongsi sama. I totally dont mind.
But...
Bila mana aku ditinggal. Aku rasa down. Aku rasa penat aku jadi sia-sia. Aku rasa nak buang semua yang aku bina.
Sebab bukan sekali aku rasa...tambah pulak aku dah bagitahu mak aku nak kahwin. Mak pun excited siapkan itu ini. Rancang berapa besar size bunga dia nak buat. Mak kan suka gubah-gubah bunga ni. Dah siap sikit pun...
Jaranglah aku mengadu kat kau pasal perempuan the dear diary kan...entah-entah baru sekali je...masuk kali ni baru dua kali...
Aku stress. Aku nak jadi lelaki. I mean, the true hero. I tried to care so much, giving her all my love but...
Itulah...whatsapp pun cuma dapat bluetick, not even answering my call.
Now I dont know how to be a man...
Dengan bisnes, dengan emosi aku, everything is just like socks in the machine. Theyre tumbled over one another. I need to get them back in pair with the right size and the right color, and get them out.
I am not strong enough...
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