Kau tahu kan the dear diary, kalau aku dah mula menulis semula. Itu mesti ada sebab. Kalau tak, haram aku nak tulis kan?
This is the way how I encounter the depression, everytime. I am not really sure why does this happen, I mean kenapa depress? Because I am a type of person yang tak kisah sangat pun kalau tak ada orang nak kawan and I dont give a fuck. Lagi-lagi kawan kat tempat kerja. I know they are hiding somehing and some of them dah start la tu tak suka aku sebab trainee tak dengar cakap.
Bukan apa, diorang poyo sangat. Thinks they know everything and I know nothing just because I am a trainee. Kelakar.
They can't even handle the fucking simple jigsaw. Not to mention they never knew the existance of the technology.
Sooo....why is that?
Thought just come to mind...this might be the reason...
Well I think I need someone to share everything with. All the secrets, all the plans, all the strategies, go through thick and thin, grow up together, share foods, share all the stories, tell her what is my favourite socks color, everything and everything. I need the wings, to bring me up to the top of the world.
I tried to get one but...itulah. Asik kena tinggal. Tukar bf barulah, kahwin dengan orang lainlah. Dapat lain pun, tertipu. Gf orang rupanya. The girls are cheating on their bf. Kahkah. Some if not all the people might find this 'girls talk' childish, but the rest might think otherwise.
I know la aku muda sangat. Its not the right time to focus on the unnecessary things, love comes in silence what.
You know la kan the dear diary, I am a heavy thinker - future obsession syndrome. Aku tak tahu la if this word does exist. Ekekekeke. I know kat mana aku 10 years akan datang, I can see me, and it would be really really hard to get there, all alone. But who promise you tomorrow kan?
At the end of the day, I will find a girl jugak. I will, like every man will. The sooner or later. But I dont want la girl who see me now but not my past. All the struggles and pain. I want her to be with me, together climb up the mount finding treasures. Heal my wound, see me in tears, holding my hand when I cant even hold her back, tightly.
I wanna start everything now. Like now the second I write this.
I dont fucking care about friends as long as i got the only one friend and my everything that I will share half of my life forever.
Kalau masa duduk rumah sewa dulu, boleh selalu aku mengadu kat Cina-Classmate. Hari-hari muka dia je walaupun tak duduk serumah. Go here and there, makan expensive foods when we broke as fuck - money always comes later bro, jangan kedekut pasal makan.
Sekarang mana ada dah Cina-Classmate. Susah dah nak melepak. Semua orang tengah training. This might be the another reason. Aku tak ada tempat nak mengadu. Kawan susah senang aku tak ada. Kawan yang ada time aku down gila bapak sampai nangis-nangis.
Apa engkorang ingat laki tak nangis ke bila down teruk?
Dah la masih student, takde fixed income, cuba niaga, rugi, hutang motor 3 bulan dah nak kena tarik, 3 biji rumah sewa belum bayar, duit makan tak ada, hutang lain lagi. Kena settle dalam satu minggu. Cina-Classmate la kawan aku masa tu. Gf tak payah cakaplah macam mana kan...
"Take care"
"Good luck"
Thats all. Nothing more. Dengar cerita pun takmau.
Mesti takut ada bf miskin, kang dah jatuh, makin miskin.
Bila aku dah berjaya settle semua, masa dah senang-senang sikit. Cina-Classmate orang first aku belanja. Tak kisahlah apa pun. Siap tiket flight gi Phuket pun aku sanggup belanja (at last tiket burn sebab kitorang ada hal).
Gf? Confirm ajak dating pulak. Bukan pesen aku rajin pergi dating ni. Tolong aku tak nak, nak dating pulak. Dangggg
The dear diary, aku cukup malu kalau ada orang baca cerita aku kat sini dan tak faham lalu mengata aku. Cukuplah aku tulis dan simpan sendiri dan tak hebohkan. Mungkin sekali sekala kalau ada cerita best baru aku expose.
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