Recently aku rasa sunyi, been weeks or months. I was so busy, and yet, I feel empty. I often tell people that there is only one sensible thing to do with the 'empty' existence. And that is, FILL it, not FEEL it.
I somehow feeling it.
Heh, funny isnt it?
Perhaps, I just dont know what actually is? Am I missing something? Think so.
The-dear-diary, I am married already. I even have a son. Charming, adorable, cute, fun, brilliant, Rayyan El Rizqy. Yet I cant really feel it. I can not do distance. I thought I will be just fine but I was totally wrong. I miss having a warm hug, kisses, when I came home stressfully with all the burdens and thoughts and without any words, it will all disappears.
Is it all what I am looking for? Maybe. Or talking to someone will do. Talk always works.
But it gets harder when talking to her. There is no mutual understanding, I just think shes not ready for this kind of living. Because she is too young? Not really. Because she is not well exposed with marriage life? Think so.
Again, what is life without challenge? Well...this is mine. And I've decided to face it.
When it comes to emotion, sampai habis aku nak cakap mat saleh. Lebih sampai ke dalam hati, and aku lebih emosi melayan emosi. Gituuhh.
Been days aku habiskan masa duduk kat office after office hour, do something just to distract myself. I am happy doing some more works. Tak kisahlah kerja apa pun, be it design, quotation, or learn something on the net. Anything.
My company pun seems getting better, just doesnt mean doing good. Aku dah plan banyak, which I think everything will be great only if everybody listen to me. It is just me, too soft and cant handle anger. Plus, aku terlalu memberi peluang untuk orang buat kesalahan eventhough aku dah tahu exactly what will happen next. And I will always be the one to cover it.
Of course, me.
"A good plan executed violently"
"Avoid assholes. Dont care how smart, how talented or how productive. Dont let this assholes in your company"
"Value people who change their mind when given new information"
"Surround yourself with talented teammates who have different skillsets than yourself"
" The smartest people keep things simple"
"On making decisions: If it is easy to reverse - move fast. If it is hard to reverse - get it right"
Well I just getting too much too swallow.
Aku rasa marah la jugak hari ni kan, rasa macam nak sekolahkan setiap orang. But there was nothing I can do. Esok aje lah aku cerita kan?
At least, I am getting back writing once in awhile (setahun sekali to be exact? Kahkah!). I really miss this. I miss everything. I miss all the unwritten story I might have lost on mind. Unrecorded, sayang...
All in all, aku tak lupa where or how it all started.